This is the first post on my new blog. I created this blog to shed light on mental health awareness and recovery. About me: I’m 32 yet mentally much younger with my mindset and thought process, trauma tends to do that to people.Wanting help for my mental health is new and unfamiliar. I’ve been seeing a therapist easily since I was 6.That’s when my parents noticed my acting out and thought therapy was the cure all.It wasn’t. Therapy initially was just an opportunity to play I actually can’t recall opening up to a therapist until my teen years and even then it was surface level deep. Why would I want anyone to see my demons? I could barely stand myself so what makes you think would you be able to stand me? Started prozac at 10, I didn’t know how to swallow pills so every morning until I learned my hot chocolate would be dosed. I recall my grandma saying that it seemed unnecessary while drugging me at the same time and from that moment on I felt like something was wrong with me. Was I stupid? I actually believed I was until my early 20’s. Normal people don’t have to take medicine on a daily basis and I thought I was definitely not normal let alone lovable.What was wrong with me? Medication did’t help. How do you diagnose a 10 year old with depression. My father took me to get another opinion where the psychiatrist thought I was bi polar, my father wouldn’t accept the diagnosis and took me to another therapist and psychiatrist where I was given a diagnosis of possibly border line personality disorder with some traits of narcissism. They couldn’t give me the borderline personality disorder diagnosis back then before I turned 18. Did I care about the diagnosis or change of medication back then? No. Do I wish I cared and was more involved yes! As a child its not your responsibility to understand the seriousness of your mental health or what might of caused it.Our society is programmed for instant fixes or gratification.It’s not fair for an adult to medicate their kid and not look at what may of caused these issues.Looking back I can say my mental health problems started when I was 5. I was happy back then with my family and baby brother, I didn’t act out in ways not normal for a typical child up until that point.What happened? Well my Father was stationed in Tennessee and I was flown out for a visit with my family in San Diego.I remembered so clearly my Aunt, Grandma, and Uncle because they watched me a lot before we moved. I was at my Grandma’s house talking about my brother and Mom when my grandma interrupts me and says “Thats not your real Mom this here is your Mom(pointing to my Mother) and your brother is only your half brother. In that moment my happy life and family was torn before my eyes. I felt deceived that I didn’t know the truth,I correlated step mom to the evil step mom in cinderella and now my best friend became a villain to me by none of her own doing but most of all I felt abandoned.Why did my Mom let me live with my Dad but most of all why didn’t she stay in contact and call me? From then on I behaved in a manner that a broken child in pain might do, I acted out. I remember beating up my brother, stealing a nail polish, and pouring glue in a classmates hair. I was hurting. Mix that pain with my step mom and Dad’s divorce, my Father drinking in excess at times and getting physical and verbally abusive, and my Mom telling me not to call her Mom at her softball game out of embarrassment and bam you got the starting of a personality disorder.